Lift Yourself: How My Weightlifting Journey Changed My Life
Revisiting the very first squat rack I ever used at the Rowan Rec. I could barely squat the bar when I started.
Four years ago I struggled to hold a gallon of milk over my head. Today, after embarking on my weightlifting journey, I can squat 185 pounds. Many people see my small frame and expect small things, so they are shocked when they see how much I can lift. I understand why; it was hard to expect much from myself either. I always thought the gym, and athleticism in general, was for other people, not me. This “not for me” attitude became a self-fabricated barrier in many aspects of my life and only grew harder to overcome as I began my struggles with anxiety.
During my freshman year of college, I began to feel a little trapped in my own head. My normal day-to-day worries escalated into constant nausea and exhaustion because of ever-present stress that I couldn’t quite trace to its root. I felt stuck behind the barrier that I had created and helplessly watched it grow. It wasn’t until my roommate encouraged me to go to the gym with her that I found a way to take back control.
Small Steps
It started with cardio machines and exercises on floor mats. Slowly, I added more and more equipment into my routine, timidly reading instructions and hoping no one would notice. With the help of online research, I started to become comfortable with my limited routines. However, in the far corner of the gym, the free weight room remained a foreboding reminder of all the progress I hadn’t yet made. I saw countless boys entering and leaving the exclusive area and decided that I would never leave the comfort of the machines. Yet, by the beginning of my second semester, I had outgrown my beginner routines and knew it was time to go where I did not belong.
The first steps into the weight room to start my weightlifting journey were the hardest. I stood at the edge of a foreign jungle of gym rats in muscle tanks clutching entire gallons of water. Instead of the threat of mauling, I faced the dread of judgement as I realized I was the only girl in the entire room. Crossing my twig- like arms as if to disguise their shape, I imagined the eyes of everyone on me, wondering why I was taking up their space. I darted directly to the equipment I had researched and avoided the glances of everyone in the room. For weeks, I had to muster up the courage every time I went into the weight room. However, I soon realized that my own judgement was far harsher than that of those around me and I slowly gained the confidence to feel at home.
Why it Matters
I found that the small steps of progress I took at the gym translated into strides of progress towards my goals elsewhere. While exercise was not a complete cure for my anxious tendencies, it gave me mental strength I never knew I could have. Today, I am a senior and what I once thought was a foreign jungle has become my sanctuary. The mental health benefits I get from going to the gym far outweigh the physical advantages, and I am always mindful of how far I have come, both mentally and physically. Whether you are a professional athlete or a beginner, it is vital to never lose sight of the fact that physical and mental wellness should go hand in hand. If they start to diverge, there will be consequences seen in both aspects of your journey.
Lift Yourself
Weight lifting is so integral to my identity today because I’ve proven to myself that I am capable of so much more than I ever thought- an idea that extends far past the four mirrored walls of the weight room. Through years of testing my physical limits, I have slowly chipped away at that “not for me” barrier that had held me back for so long.
I encourage everyone to take those first steps into the jungle, whether it is training for a race, recovering from an injury, or simply setting foot in a gym. Prove to yourself that you are who you decide to be and belong wherever you decide to belong. I chose my weightlifting journey and still have a long way to go, but no matter what your journey is or where you are in it, remember that fitness strengthens the body as well as the mind and teaches you to have faith in yourself and trust in the process.
Nicole Fickas
Marketing Intern, Trifecta Therapeutics
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